Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
