wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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