What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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