Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
