sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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