We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
