do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
