i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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