Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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