I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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