True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
