he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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