come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
