He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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