Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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