the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
