so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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