So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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