if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize