I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How's work?
Spinning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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