I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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