I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
