No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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