my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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