i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
