Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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