the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My vagina is very pro this idea
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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