Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
