i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
