My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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