I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
