Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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