hell yes lets make some ravioli
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
