You can't motorboat a personality
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
