If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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