if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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