True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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