You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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