i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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