You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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