Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize