I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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