i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
