I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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