so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
