literally had 100 drinks last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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