i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
