the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
