I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
