can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
