it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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