Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
