Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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