peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize