i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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