Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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