why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
