Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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