Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
