Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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