you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
