can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
