Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
