I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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