4 words: hood of his car
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
