I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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