I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
