I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
