I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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