you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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