it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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