I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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