you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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