He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
