I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
